Sunday, September 29, 2013

Zombies, killers, Koreans and demons

So I went to the local used DVD store yesterday looking for bargains. The last few times I was there I was really disappointed. Mostly the same stuff as the trip before, lots of low budget crap not worth 2 bucks.

I did finally fall upon a tiny treasure trove, and picked out several. Actually had to put a few back because I had went WAY over my budget for the trip (10-12 bucks). I ended up spending 22 bucks and promising a trip next pay check for the ones I had put back.

I ended up buying Deadbirds, My Bloody Valentine (orig) Special Edition, Lady Vengeance, and Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2 Special edition.  I was pretty stoked as I have wanted Lady Vengeance for a while, and also have been planning to collect more Italian horror cinema. Plus Deadbirds is a very underrated movie, and I hadn't seen the original My Bloody Valentine in a while.

So I came home pumped for a night of epic movie viewing. First up was Fulci, as I announced on Facebook. You can imagine my surprise when I opened the case to find.....nothing inside. OK it's a used place maybe I should have checked at the store but I have bought there several times in the past and never had an issue. Plus I was careless. It was marked 8.99 which is way above the normal price for their used DVDs, and was in a box, and looked in great shape. I kind of assumed it was new and unopened. Like I said, I was a bit careless and oblivious.

It was too late to take it back last night and the store doesn't re-open till tomorrow.  I have no idea if they will refund it or give me a store credit but I hope they will, If they don't they have probably lost a customer.








Friday, September 27, 2013

Mad Monster Party Gras

Here are a few pictures from my trip to Mad Monster Party Gras in New Orleans. I got to meet and hang out with some super people like Ron Perlman, Alexa Vega, and Gia Nova
Me and Ron Perlman 


Alexa Vega from Repo, Spy Kids and Machete Kills


Cinzia Monreale from The Beyond

Me and Drea de Matteo from Sons of Anarchy

Model and dancer Gia Nova

Gia Nova
Visit Gia Nova's website

Phil Anselmo of Pantera

Sean Yseult former bassist for White Zombie

Sean Yseult from Star and Dagger

Me and Larry Zerner from Friday the 13th part 3




My Crystal Skull Webstore

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Goregasm (review)

A couple weeks ago I ran into the director of Gorgasm.  Now when I met him all I knew was that he was a local film director from the New Orleans area. We talked movies, and I mentioned how I really didn’t like the trend of low budget film makers using comedy as a crutch because they couldn’t afford, or didn’t have, the talent to make a serious horror film. “So what kind of films do you make?” I asked. Yep, horror comedies.  OK, I still hate directors who make comedies as a crutch, just like I hate those low budget “found footage” films a way to make a cheap film with little talent. This doesn’t apply to Goregasm though. Why? Because it’s funny as hell, that’s why.

The rules get thrown out when a movie is good, and Goregasm is good. Now when I say it’s good, it’s not going to win an Oscar.  Not unless the voters are smoking some good stuff, Ok, not even then. Goregasm is a film that you really need a taste for the extreme to enjoy. If you are a fan of Ryan Nicholson and Plotdigger films, there is a good chance you will like Goregasm.  This is an exploitation film that puts most exploitation films to shame. It is a film that would fit in at drive in theaters, the stuff I dreamed about seeing as a kid. However where most of those sleazy drive in films seemed more bark than bite, Goregasm delivers.

Imagine victims being beat to death with a giant rubber dildo by the villain, known as the “cock faced killer” for reasons that are very apparent.  That’s probably the nicest thing that happens in Goregasm. There’s enough poop to make Martin Lomax giggle. But where the poo eating in The Human Centipede is mostly left to your imagination, here it’s on full display.  The poop scene is the one thing that made me almost turn it off, as I am NOT a fan of scat films.

That’s just one of many, many perversions on display in Goregasm. There is more ass rape in this film than in Stephen Geoffrey’s summer vacation.  Besides the cock faced killer, there is also CLAM, an all female gang (whose leader has a beard), Detective Deppshett (who has a fondness for Sylvester Stallone that’s only slightly less creepy than his fondness for feces,) and oh yes sex. Lots of sex, and a lot of it is real.

Goregasm has something in it for everyone, and more than likely something in it will make you wince, gag, or turn away. But if you can handle even 80% of this movie, it’s worth it.  While the
low budget does show at times, the film makers have heart, and you can tell they enjoy what they are doing.  If you can stand the extreme it will make you laugh.

Another plus is the female cast. The ladies in Goregasm were much more attractive than you would expect to find in a film of this budget and genre.  The fact that most of them get naked, and some are really doing the nasty doesn’t hurt. Some people will point and yell “PORN” at the mention of real sex, and this film probably isn’t for them. But honestly most people who would be totally turned off to this film due to the sex, would hate it for a dozen other reasons as well.

I dug Goregasm, but then I also really enjoyed Hanger by Ryan Nicholson. It’s an acquired taste and it isn’t for everyone, but if you can stomach it, give Goregasm a look.



http://lorddixie.com/crystalskull/

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Frankenstein's Army

My review for Frankenstein's Army is out and has been published only on Squidoo. But I love you so much that I am posting a handy dandy link for ya right here. What I like about Squidoo is the ease to integrate sales. With that I can post my review of Frankenstein's Army and post a link to pick up a movie poster or IPhone case. I hope you do click through and follow my link to my review of Frankenstein's Army. It's only one click away, I promise. Plus there are polls, videos, and photos all free to enjoy if you like or ignore if you want. So don't be a hater click on My review of Frankenstein's Army and enjoy.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Does Cthuhlu Squidoo?

I don't know about the dark lord but now I do Squidoo, and since they do use a squid as a mascot. I'm thinking Cthuhlu may too. I'm not going to abandon my blog here (oh bet you thought I already had) but I am going to be writing for Squidoo and trying to get a respectable number of lenses up. I have put up six in the last couple days, although one isn't finished. Hoping to put at least five to six a week, dealing with horror, cult movies, video games and tomatoes. Yes I did a lens on tomatoes. So why not join me on Squidoo.
I'm sure the Old Ones approve
Links below

Danny Trejo is Machete

Horror movies


Cult Film



Best TV in 2013

One Hot Tomato (told ya)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

feelings, whoah whoah whoah, feelings

Not feeling so hot this week. Don't really feel bad, just no desire to do anything. Update soon though, I promise

Saturday, May 11, 2013

To Sleep With a Vampire

Nostalgia is a wonderful thing, however sometimes re-visiting a fond memory can be less than wonderful. That's kind of my feeling after watching To Sleep With a Vampire for the first time since it's release back in the early 90s. To Sleep With a Vampire is a remake of Dance of the Damned from 1989 by Katt Shea Rubin. Both of them about a vampire who ends up in a strip joint looking for conversation and a hot meal, and both films follow the same basic path.
To Sleep With a Vampire cover art with Charlie Spradling and Scott Valentine

I was lucky enough to have seen both films not long after release. While I fondly remember Dance of the Damned as being a very well written, decently acted film that rises above it's somewhat sordid pretense.  However I also had those same feeling about To Sleep With a Vampire and considered it a better, and indeed my favorite of the two films. So when I found a DVD copy of To Sleep With a Vampire at Texas Frightmare Weekend, I had to have it.  Sadly watching it has somewhat tarnished my memories of it, and honestly made me feel a little more like a sexist pig.

I have never denied that the main reason I first watched To Sleep With a Vampire was because it starred the stunning Charlie Spradling. I had first seen the brunette beauty in the Full Moon movie Meridian, which also starred Sherilyn Fenn. Meridian, at least as I remember, was a damn good movie, back when Full Moon actually made really good movies. Charlie was gorgeous and incredibly hot and I quickly feel in love with her and Sherilyn. So when I heard she was the lead in a vampire movie, playing a stripper, I had to see it.
Meridian poster with Sherilyn Fenn


At the point I saw it I had no clue it was a remake, but I quickly realized it was similar to Dance of the Damned.  Being a fan of Charlie, the movie knocked me off my feet. The strip scene was, and still is one of the sexiest and most realistic I have seen in an R rated film. Spradling was no stranger to nude scenes, being topless in most of her film appearances, and she doesn't disappoint here.  She strips down to G-string and writhes seductively across the stage.

All that is still there, and Charlie is still as beautiful as ever. However there's no way I can say this is a good movie in any other way than as a testament to her beauty. The acting is pretty much horrible all around. Spradling's most believable scenes are when she is rolling around on stage, but even that seems wrong for this film. Charlie's character is supposed to be a woman on the verge of suicide, but her performance is full of power and strength.  I don't remember a lot about the original, but it seems Starr Andreeff (as the lead stripper) did a dance that was much more melancholy and sad. Now Andreeff can't physically compare to Spradling, especially when it comes to cup size, and sadly that may be why I have always considered To Sleep With a Vampire to be it's equal in quality.  So OK, I'll admit I can be swayed by a great rack.

Still the bad acting can't be limited to Charlie, Scott Valentine from TVs Family Ties gives an absolutely ludicrous performance as the vampire. Seriously what is that twisting your head and snarling thing you keep doing? And every line you deliver is like a mockery to anyone who has ever played a vampire seriously. It looks and sounds like you are doing a Bela impersonation on Who's Line is it Anyway?

The dialogue is cheesy and sleazy throughout and totally ruins any compassion for either character. I simply couldn't believe any character in the movie. Bad dialogue, delivered by bad acting and the story, no matter how compelling on paper falls apart.  Even the little kids acting was horrible.  Plus there is so much lack of logic through the film.  Why do the characters take a taxi when the vampire, can apparently turn into a ball of energy and zoom around? Why does the vampire starve himself as long as possible while looking for a suicidal victim, then attempts to kill the victim when they decide they aren't suicidal. Just seems really strange to me. Hell everything about this film is just off. Except Charlie's body of course.

The effects are really cheap.  The fight scenes are so horribly telegraphed and fake.  Thugs fly through the air like a new jobber on an independent wrestling circuit. The ball of energy that Valentine can turn into is nothing short of something you might expect in a Duran Duran video. If Duran Duran were on a  strict budget.

The only real reason to watch To Sleep With a Vampire is to watch Charlie Spradling dance. And as beautiful as she is, even that seems off.  Why is a girl as beautiful as this dancing at a club this sleazy?  Why is the club nearly empty? Even the other girls we see seem way to classy for a dive like this. Even  as much as I love Charlie, her make up was so cheap and sleazy it kind of disappointed me. Maybe that was the only real attempt to show her as someone who belongs on a cheap dance stage. The fact is the scene is totally out of place in the movie.

In a movie that is supposed to be about desperation, about a person fighting to regain the will to live, the dance scene is just way too erotic and sexy.  Maybe it was because To Sleep With a Vampire was directed by a man while Dance of the Damed by a woman. Vampire was made to just be a showcase for Spradling's voluptuousness, and Valentines sleazy bad boy sexiness.  It's sad the director couldn't make a film that combines beauty and desperation.  That he couldn't squeeze some bit of realistic acting out of two people who have done better. Too bad he thought tits and fangs could carry the film.
Charlie Spradling topless from Puppetmaster 2


So I'm a bit sad that my memories have been tarnished.  That I can no longer look back fondly on this film. I'd love to be able to recommend this film, but I can't. Charlie Spradling fans will enjoy her stripping, but she has been topless in much better films. Valentine fans should stick to Family Ties where he's much more believable.  Final assessment, To Sleep With a Vampire will probably put you to sleep. After the strip scene at least.