Dracula Untold
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| Luke Evans is Dracula Untold |
Dracula Untold, the heir apparent to
the Universal Dracula legacy is in theaters now and due to boredom,
and against my own judgment, I went to see it. Honestly I wasn't
expecting much. The trailers looked pretty so I was expecting a
slick, high def, effects filled piece of nothing. I wasn’t
disappointed in that regard. Now to be fair it wasn't totally
horrible as far a film goes. But for a Dracula film, a film picked to
usher in Universal's classics to new generation, it was bad.
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| "Miss me yet?" "Nosferatu!" |
Luke Evans didn't make a bad vampire,
and he did OK with the script and direction he was given. That and
the visual effects, and a couple of the fight scenes are about all I
can say good about the film though. The final battle between Dracula
and his vampire minions was the best part of the film. It was the
only time it felt like a horror film versus a dark fantasy. If more
of the film was like this, I would have liked it better. Alas even
this scene was over way to soon.
That's the good. Now to the bad. Vlad
Tepes has an interesting history, but it's the history as a cruel
leader. He may well have been a just leader, depending on which
historian you ask, but there is no doubt to his cruelty. He impaled
captured soldiers, had ambassador's turbans nailed to their heads,
and burned his own people alive. Changing his history to make him
this noble night who only shed blood to save blood is just silly.
Other stories have painted the Dracula story as a tragic love story
without white washing his violent past.
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| Just the tip he said |
The movie is full of logic holes. The
sultan blindfolds his men and has them march to a mountaintop
fortress? Which is made even sillier by the fact the army reaches
that mountain top while marching exclusively on wide swatches of flat
open land. Yes, even though Vlad and his family had to march through
heavy forests, and up cliff faces, the Sultan takes the nice easy
path all the way to the gates. Being natives doesn’t it seem to
reason the Transylvanians would have taken the quick easy way, versus
going a way that leaves them trapped on a cliff face?
Then near the end of the movie Dracula
watches the army slowly approach, while moaning that he only has one
night of his demonic power left. Only one night left and you simply
sit and watch. Then as dawn breaks you decide to attack. As a matter
of fact, why, with limited time and unstoppable power, did you spend
the night hours preparing defenses? Why not use that time killing
Turks? Dracula could have organized defenses while standing in the
shade.
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| I said just the tip! Not from Dracula Untold |
Then there is this whole thing about
being hurt by sunlight and having to fight at night. Well that makes
sense for a vampire. Except in Dracula Untold, the Prince can
apparently affect the weather and cause clouds to block out the sun.
So why not use this power BEFORE the Turks kill your wife and kidnap
your son?
There were lots of other silly moments,
like Dracula's reflection in a sword, Dracula's minions turning on
him, the Sultan just is able to set an elaborate trap in just a few
minutes. Really the trick with the silver coins seems like something
a 14 year old would think up during his first time playing Dungeons
and Dragons. “Uhh unbeknown to the vampire lord, Mehmed has lined
his tent with silver coins and bags of silver coins causing +4 damage
to the vampire”
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| This is not a spray tan my brother, and I promise, just the tip Dracula Untold |
Last but not least, lets talk about
Renfield. Renfield, no longer a London real estate broker, but
apparently a Transylvanian beggar. Not an innocent who stumbles into
Dracula's trap but a slimy little dude who knows Dracula is a vampire
and wants to encourage his blood thirst and be his servant. Really?
Do these new Hollywood screenwriters even glance at the source
material?
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| My son, never trust the Turks. Especially when they promise it's just the tip Dracula Nevertold |
So final verdict. If you want to go see
a shiny flashy Hollywood fantasy, with sword fights, eternal love,
and an ending that somehow reminds me of the final scene in
Battlestar Galactica (the reboot series), then by all means throw
down ten bucks for Dracula Untold. But if you are looking for a good
horror movie, look elsewhere. If you are looking for a modern telling
of the Universal Dracula, then you will be sorely disappointed with
Dracula Untold. C'mon Universal, lets not do this to your legacy.
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