Don't Breathe (2016)

Blind but far from helpless in Don't Breathe

It's hard to attack a movie like Don't Breathe. It's a big screen, R rated horror movie that's doing gang buster business at the box office. OK maybe not so hard as I have seen reviews attacking it. Negative reviews based on the sexual abuse sub-plot and it lack of scares and tension. I went in hoping to be able to defend it against the anti- rape sentiment that is cascading through the horror community. I guess I should state at this point that I am not, in any way, pro-rape. However I also feel a horror movie should be about horror, and if a rape scene is necessary for the story, it should happen. Like all things care should be taken that it's not gratuitous and unnecessary.

So I went in to Don't Breathe hopeful. Riding high on some positive reviews of people I trusted. Reviews that the film was a taut, suspenseful ride, if not really scary. The basic plot was interesting, and held some promise. A group of kids break into a house attempting to rob it, only to find themselves trapped inside. Trapped and hunted by a blind man with murderous intent. It was a great set up actually. Turning the tables on movies with a blind victim stalked by home invaders such as the classic Wait Until Dark. 

Don't Breathe movie poster

However, as is often the case, reality is far removed from promise. Sadly it was a great set up mostly wasted, and I have a hard time defending it, or defending the inclusion of the rape scene. I wont attack it to hard, because there was a couple good points to the film. They were minor points, and while I have a hard time saying I enjoyed Don't Breathe, I don’t hate it. It just wasn't anything special, which is a shame for a movie doing so well.

So on to those good points. Stephen Lang was a good point. I thought he was great as the blind antagonist. I just think the character wasn't well written or thought out. He had potential and Lang did what he could to bring it out. But whereas he could have been a strong malevolent force, or alternatively a sympathetic character gone bad, it seemed the writers couldn't decide and tried to split the difference. There was also such variance in his abilities. He can bounce all around his house, reacting or over reacting to the slightest sound. At other times he can't hear footfalls, or his potential victims talking. Even his lack of eye sight seems to vary. Is he blind? It appears so at times. Other times he seems to have some blurry vision. I still say Lang gave it his best but he couldn't salvage the character. So instead of a imposing Zatoichi, we get a limp ass Daredevil.

The other thing that impressed me, with no reservations was the setting. Don't Breathe showed Detroit in it's festering decay. It avoided the easy route of showing deteriorating urban vistas and grand violence. Instead it showed us what appeared to be sub urban homes fallen into decay. It shocked me to think an American city could look like this. Homes, that might once have been nice, even expensive homes being reclaimed by nature. It looks like we are witnessing what will one day become ancient ruins right in front of our eyes. From friends who live in Michigan, Don't Breathe presented a realistic picture of Detroit. My last point is spoilerish so I'll leave till the end.

On to the bad. It's true what they said. The people who hated it. Don't Breathe just isn't scary. However it isn't true that it's a suspenseful ride. It just never put me on edge. Never made me feel claustrophobic. There are so many films that got this right. The Descent, the end scenes of Silence of the Lambs, even the low budget Crawl or Die. The scenes of the protagonists fleeing in the trapped house were just to few and far between. More time should have been spent hiding, slowly creeping, trying not to make a sound.

And there was just too much sound. Ambient sound from the score, people talking, it was just too much. This film should have taken a clue from The Witch and had long moments of absolute silence. Then every sound would have been amplified, and shocking. Watch the end of the wonderful Tombs of the Blind Dead. Listen as the woman hides from the blind dead, being completely silent until we hear the sound of her heart, beating louder and louder as the dead moved toward her. That was fucking tension. That was fucking horror.

Now the rape scene, and ***Spoiler alert***there was no actual rape. A sexual assault/rape was planned but did not happen. There was a rape perpetuated but it was off screen, before the events of the film. Now I feel, personal opinion, that a rape can be used in a horror film, just as much as a murder, decapitation, disembowelment or immolation. Yes, it's a bad thing, but bad people in horror movies do bad things. In Don't Breathe though, the scene just interrupts from what we want to see, from what we paid to see, which is a bad ass blind man hunting down people who invaded his home.

What was this sub plot meant to do anyway? Was it to make him more of a monster? Or to attempt some amount of sympathy for him? It did neither. All the subplot managed to do was make our already barely likeable protagonists even less likeable. Why not leave the sub plot off. Allow the antagonist to be a more sympathetic character. A victim of a home invasion by morally ambiguous characters. Just a sad, man who snaps and goes nuclear on a group of kids. Or just make him a horrible, irredeemable character. It tried to hold the middle ground and it lost it all. Even the line “I'm not a rapist”, is that supposed to illicit sympathy? Make him look not quite so bad? It fucking failed miserably. If anything it made him look like a sick fuck and a pussy. Freddy Kruger never tries to justify what he does.

The protagonists themselves are not easily likeable. That's OK with me. I don’t have to like characters to feel or them, or to enjoy them as leads in a movie. I can even dig a movie with a sympathetic villain and unlikeable heroes if it's done right. The problem here is the characters are so typical. You know almost from the beginning who is going to live and die. Honestly if you have ever seen a handful of horror movies you should know exactly in what order they will bite it. If you have seen Don't Breathe, raise your hand if you called it. There's money the tough guy, packing heat gangsta wanna be (G-Money!!! Holla) who wants to escape Detroit, his girlfriend Rocky, who's in an abusive family and wants to escape with her younger sister, and Alex, the nerd who goes along on the robberies because of his hopeless crush on Rocky. OK even if you haven't seen Don't Breathe, raise your hand if you called it. BTW cheap ass low blow opening the film with a scene late in the movie to try and trick your audience Fede.

Still even with unlikeable characters this could have been a hit. Scrap the hostage/rape subplot and dedicate the majority of the running time to the characters running and fighting for their lives. Turn up that claustrophobia by using narrow hallways and basements, limited lighting and very sparse sounds. Scare the shit out of your audience every time you hear a foot scrape on the floor. Imagine ten minutes of silence, broke by a sudden small sound amplified out the ass. It's horror, be fucking scary.

The last thing I will say is I liked the final scene. OK I liked parts of the final scene and I have to spoil it so, look away Martha!!!! ***Spoiler alert***

At the end when we find out the bad blind guy isn’t dead (can you spell “sequel” kiddos?), Rocky makes the decision to get on the train and go on to her new life. Totally morally bad, no heroic ending that worked for me. To many times the average Joe, instead of making good on his escape goes back to be a hero. I just rarely find that believable. Rocky knows by keeping his secret, by walking away, he will probably kidnap and rape/not rape another girl. She knows and shes willing to live with that to escape with her sister. Of course in the sequel, the blind dude will probably fly to Cali and track her down, build a trap house and YAWWWWWWNNNN, make millions.

Don't Breathe was directed by Fede Alvarez (Evil Dead), and stars Jane Levy (Evil Dead), Dylan Minette (Goosebumps), Daniel Zovatto (It Follows), and Stephen Lang (Tombstone). Sadly I can only muster a limp 4 out of ten stars for Don't Breathe

To Sleep With a Vampire

Nostalgia is a wonderful thing, however sometimes re-visiting a fond memory can be less than wonderful. That's kind of my feeling after watching To Sleep With a Vampire for the first time since it's release back in the early 90s. To Sleep With a Vampire is a remake of Dance of the Damned from 1989 by Katt Shea Rubin. Both of them about a vampire who ends up in a strip joint looking for conversation and a hot meal, and both films follow the same basic path.

To Sleep With a Vampire cover art with Charlie Spradling and Scott Valentine

I was lucky enough to have seen both films not long after release. While I fondly remember Dance of the Damned as being a very well written, decently acted film that rises above it's somewhat sordid pretense.  However I also had those same feeling about To Sleep With a Vampire and considered it a better, and indeed my favorite of the two films. So when I found a DVD copy of To Sleep With a Vampire at Texas Frightmare Weekend, I had to have it.  Sadly watching it has somewhat tarnished my memories of it, and honestly made me feel a little more like a sexist pig.

I have never denied that the main reason I first watched To Sleep With a Vampire was because it starred the stunning Charlie Spradling. I had first seen the brunette beauty in the Full Moon movie Meridian, which also starred Sherilyn Fenn. Meridian, at least as I remember, was a damn good movie, back when Full Moon actually made really good movies. Charlie was gorgeous and incredibly hot and I quickly feel in love with her and Sherilyn. So when I heard she was the lead in a vampire movie, playing a stripper, I had to see it.

Meridian poster with Sherilyn Fenn

At the point I saw it I had no clue it was a remake, but I quickly realized it was similar to Dance of the Damned.  Being a fan of Charlie, the movie knocked me off my feet. The strip scene was, and still is one of the sexiest and most realistic I have seen in an R rated film. Spradling was no stranger to nude scenes, being topless in most of her film appearances, and she doesn't disappoint here.  She strips down to G-string and writhes seductively across the stage.

All that is still there, and Charlie is still as beautiful as ever. However there's no way I can say this is a good movie in any other way than as a testament to her beauty. The acting is pretty much horrible all around. Spradling's most believable scenes are when she is rolling around on stage, but even that seems wrong for this film. Charlie's character is supposed to be a woman on the verge of suicide, but her performance is full of power and strength.  I don't remember a lot about the original, but it seems Starr Andreeff (as the lead stripper) did a dance that was much more melancholy and sad. Now Andreeff can't physically compare to Spradling, especially when it comes to cup size, and sadly that may be why I have always considered To Sleep With a Vampire to be it's equal in quality.  So OK, I'll admit I can be swayed by a great rack.

Still the bad acting can't be limited to Charlie, Scott Valentine from TVs Family Ties gives an absolutely ludicrous performance as the vampire. Seriously what is that twisting your head and snarling thing you keep doing? And every line you deliver is like a mockery to anyone who has ever played a vampire seriously. It looks and sounds like you are doing a Bela impersonation on Who's Line is it Anyway?

The dialogue is cheesy and sleazy throughout and totally ruins any compassion for either character. I simply couldn't believe any character in the movie. Bad dialogue, delivered by bad acting and the story, no matter how compelling on paper falls apart.  Even the little kids acting was horrible.  Plus there is so much lack of logic through the film.  Why do the characters take a taxi when the vampire, can apparently turn into a ball of energy and zoom around? Why does the vampire starve himself as long as possible while looking for a suicidal victim, then attempts to kill the victim when they decide they aren't suicidal. Just seems really strange to me. Hell everything about this film is just off. Except Charlie's body of course.

The effects are really cheap.  The fight scenes are so horribly telegraphed and fake.  Thugs fly through the air like a new jobber on an independent wrestling circuit. The ball of energy that Valentine can turn into is nothing short of something you might expect in a Duran Duran video. If Duran Duran were on a  strict budget.

The only real reason to watch To Sleep With a Vampire is to watch Charlie Spradling dance. And as beautiful as she is, even that seems off.  Why is a girl as beautiful as this dancing at a club this sleazy?  Why is the club nearly empty? Even the other girls we see seem way to classy for a dive like this. Even  as much as I love Charlie, her make up was so cheap and sleazy it kind of disappointed me. Maybe that was the only real attempt to show her as someone who belongs on a cheap dance stage. The fact is the scene is totally out of place in the movie.

In a movie that is supposed to be about desperation, about a person fighting to regain the will to live, the dance scene is just way too erotic and sexy.  Maybe it was because To Sleep With a Vampire was directed by a man while Dance of the Damed by a woman. Vampire was made to just be a showcase for Spradling's voluptuousness, and Valentines sleazy bad boy sexiness.  It's sad the director couldn't make a film that combines beauty and desperation.  That he couldn't squeeze some bit of realistic acting out of two people who have done better. Too bad he thought tits and fangs could carry the film.

Charlie Spradling topless from Puppetmaster 2

So I'm a bit sad that my memories have been tarnished.  That I can no longer look back fondly on this film. I'd love to be able to recommend this film, but I can't. Charlie Spradling fans will enjoy her stripping, but she has been topless in much better films. Valentine fans should stick to Family Ties where he's much more believable.  Final assessment, To Sleep With a Vampire will probably put you to sleep. After the strip scene at least.

Elijah Wood is a Maniac (2012)

Most people who have know me for a while, know that I hate remakes.  In fact i think I have started a few movie reviews with that same line. I have even said that there is never a reason to remake a movie. I have really been rethinking that belief a lot lately, especially after watching the remake of Maniac with Elijah Wood. Of course if you remake every film ever made over and over, eventually you are going to stumble and make a good film. The old hundred monkeys typing Shakespeare thing. I still think there are far too many original projects out there that never see the light for Hollywood to be remaking so many films.  Maybe if Hollywood were to concentrate on taking bad or so-so movies and making them better, better acting, better filming quality, better directing instead of just cashing in on the popularity of good films, I would feel better about remakes.  I think the Maniac remake fits into the former category.

OK at the risk of angering fans everywhere, I was never all that crazy about the original Maniac. I didn't hate the original, come on how can you hate a movie with Caroline Munro in it and featuring special effects from the master Tom Savini?  I just was never a huge fan. So, at least in my eyes, this would be a film that could be redone. Which it was. With Elijah Wood as a serial killer.

The film got a lot of buzz for casting Elijah against type, and a lot of people wondered if he could pull it off. A lot of those people apparently forgot about his chilling turn in Sin City as the cannibal Kevin. Frank from Maniac is an entirely different monster than Kevin, and this plays more to Elijah's strengths. While Kevin was a silent vicious killing machine, Frank is a deeply disturbed and almost timid character most of the time. Much more akin to Frodo Baggins than a psycho killer.  But Frank can be vicious and when the switch flips, Elijah doesn't disappoint.

Visually the film is a real treat for someone who grew up in the late 70s and 80s. The movie is dark, not just in theme, but visually and atmospherically. Watching the opening took me back to those late nights watching sleazy crime dramas on HBO with the lights out. Back to the first time I watched the original.  Once again I got that feeling of watching something I shouldn't be watching.The sound too was reminiscent of those forbidden films that seemed so taboo in my early teen years.

Maniac is filmed mostly in a first person/ POV style. I wasn't sure how I would like this as it first seemed way to close the the shaky cam, found footage film that is the flavor of the month.  However watching the film (mostly) through the eyes of a killer is a new and disturbing prospective.  Although the film does abandon the POV in a few key scenes, mostly we only see Elijah Woods character when he is reflected off a mirror, or other reflective surface.  While changing perspectives may seem corny or  even sloppy, in Maniac it is done skillfully, and adds a dizzying intensity to those scenes.  I know there will be some complaints that the POV style with feed the voyeuristic urges of some.  That it might be too close to the real thing.  While that might be a danger, art is dangerous, and this is horror. Horror should be disturbing, it should be horror.

While the overall gore factor of Maniac isn't that high, it doesn't skimp from the bloodiness of the murders. The killers motive here isn't to disembowel people but to kill them, or at least mutilate them in a certain way.  Some die fast, some die slow, but the camera doesn't turn away to spare us.  I don't want to give away any spoilers for those who haven't seen it, or the original, but the killing is secondary to his trophy taking. Part of Frank's twisted psyche doesn't even realize he is killing them.

The film manages to pay homage to at least two horror films that I noticed.  I'm not going to spoil this, but one is guaranteed to make you laugh, the other may send a chill down your spine. As for laughing, even though this is a dark film, there are a few laughs.  It never, in my view crosses over into a comedy, but there are moments of humor, some darker than others.

The ending of Maniac, like the original leaves you unsure of what is happening and possibly doubting everything you have seen.  It's a brilliant but confusing ending that will leave some in awe, and some confused.  I'm kind of in the middle of that scale.

The only real complaint I have is the lack of cameos from the original Maniac.  Come on you couldn't find a spot for a quick scene with Caroline Munro.  And what about the man himself, the man who should be the governor, Tom Savini?  Would the original film have the cult following that it does today if not for the involvement of Savini?  I really doubt it.

For the ratings, there is very little strong profanity that I remember. Not saying it's all clean talk but there wasn't enough over the top profanity (IE Devil's Rejects or Boondock Saints) to register.  There
is a couple of scenes of nudity, but nothing extreme , and some light sex scenes. The ratings kicker here will be the violence, most, but not all, directed at women.  Most of these scenes are fairly realistic, and disturbing and I can see Maniac having a hard time getting an "R" rating for theatrical release.

So my verdict? This film is awesome with no reservations. Eljah Wood gives another performance of a lifetime.  Find a way to see Maniac, if it's showing at a convention or festival near you, GO. Pass up on karaoke or the VIP party and see Maniac instead.  Hopefully it will get a release soon on DVD at least, if so it's a buy. It's the film that has softened me on remakes more than any other.  Whether you are a fan of the original Maniac or not, if you love horror, you need to see this film.

Grizzly Flats-Flat, and no Grizzly

With a Red Box rental being only a couple of bucks, sometimes you take a chance even when you know better.  Sometimes you get a pleasant surprise like Exit Humanity, other times you get Grizzly Flats.  I guess I’m a bit of a sucker for rampaging bear movies.  Maybe it was because I remember the lurid commercials for Grizzly as a child, or maybe just because I secretly always hoped Ben would one day take the head off that pompous Dan Haggerty. Well, there was no Grizzly, in Grizzly Flats,, rampaging or not, and barely a movie.

The plot, if you can all it that, is that a brilliant scientist runs off to the middle of the wilderness to build a sort of dimensional resonator.  His trial runs apparently allow shadow people to cross over into our dimension.  The shadow people harass him and his wife, as well as the local meth cooking inbreeds, and the resident trailer park hooker.  The wife finds a gourd baby, the scientist starts tweaking, the hooker gets scarred, the sheriff finally gets to see some boob, the inbreeds get killed, and the shadow men do shadow shit.  If only the movie was as short as that synopsis, I would only have wasted 2 bucks not an hour and a half.

So where to begin? This is really bad even for a low budget.  First the scientist Sylvane, or something it sounded a lot like So Vain (I’d accuse the director of being clever, but the movie itself makes that unlikely), a brilliant physicist who leaves a university to go to the wilderness to work on his invention.  His invention, a dimensional resonator which apparently is constructed from metal plates, copper tubing and a few circuit boards, looked a lot like Robbie the Robot if he were converted into a moonshine still.

Well So Vain likes to yell, like almost every line in the film.   If he isn’t yelling he’s talking in an “I’m better than you” sarcastic tone.  This makes it impossible to like him, care for him or take him seriously.  This is a bad thing for the main character, especially the protagonist in the film.  Maybe if he had been slightly less annoying and hysterical, he would have done a decent job, but I doubt it.  As it is I don’t know who the actor who played him is, and don’t care enough to look him up.

His wife was cute, but her acting skills were limited to, well honestly she had no skills, at least none on display.  She couldn’t have convinced me she had nice tits, if she had taken her shirt off, her acting was that bad.  The gourd baby was a better actor than his mom or dad.

The star power is provided by Judd Nelson, who plays the world’s most pathetic pornographer and red neck sheriff.  He is the most believable actor in the film, but it had to be force of habit, a very weak force at that.  He mostly just wanders around talking in a monotone, and trying to get the local hooker naked on tape.  The fact that the local law, can’t get the local prostitute naked (until she is horribly scarred, more later) points to the intelligence of this whole script.  Come on now.

The local hooker, who Nelson calls “Daddy”? Or maybe it’s Danni? Who the fuck knows, and does anyone really care for that matter.  She is played by Danielle de Luca, and Danielle is the only good thing about the film, it’s also probably her most embarrassing.  She is raped and horribly scarred by the shadow men. By horribly scarred I mean she has had a New York strip steak taped to her face.   She doesn’t really get to show off her acting skills, but she does show her breasts, much to the audience, and Judd Nelson’s relief.

The inbred rednecks are probably the most stupidly stereotypical rednecks on film since the Clampet family. They cook meth, are toothless, have speech impediments and dress like the Winter’s brothers.  Every time they opened their mouth I wanted to kill a city slicker.

As for the story, well there was no story. No coherent story anyway.  The scientist’s master plan to defeat the shadow men is to smoke meth with the rednecks and then shoot their weapons wildly and randomly into the air, as shadow men fly all around them. Not surprisingly but stupidly all the rednecks end up dead.  The scientist, his brilliant plan failing returns home and cooks his disturbed wife’s gourd baby and feed it to her.  That will snap her back to reality.  Thankfully he still had a bullet left in the gun so the movie ended shortly after that.

The direction couldn’t have been much more than “yell louder” “laugh manically” or “shoot randomly”.  I’ve seen better dialogue in a bukakke video.  For the actor playing Pastor Ron, retire immediately, go into stand up comedy, and immediately retire from that.  It’s like he was trying his best to be funny and he wasn’t.   The only time I almost laughed was in his final scene, and even that was badly botched

Really, it was that bad, worse actually, I’m just not watching it again to make the review more thorough.   There is absolutely no real reason to watch this film.  Danielle de Luca is gorgeous, but see Naked Prey if you haven’t already.  She’s totally nude and it’s a much better film.  Or see Necrosis, where she doesn’t get naked, but it’s a good little film.  Judd Nelson fans, stay the hell away, you’ll just feel sorry for him and try and send him money.  Just remember him as he was.   There is the novelty of seeing a relative of the master Edgar Allen Poe as one of the rednecks, but he has other films.

I gave this a one on IMDB, but I don’t have to be that kind on my blog.  On a scale of 1-10, I give it a -2.  If this film were lying on a beach, House of the Dead would kick sand in it’s face.

Exit Humanity (review)

Exit Humanity

Zombies are the rage right now, and as usually happen, once something gets “hot” the quality goes in the crapper.  That’s especially true with horror archetypes, and zombies are one of the worst affected.  In fact there are more bad zombie flicks, than there are mediocre to good ones.  So it was with a healthy dose of skepticism and resignation that I decided to rent Exit Humanity.

On the plus side it featured both Bill Moseley and Dee Wallace, two horror icons that never phone it in.  It was also set in the American West (actually in Tennessee, but no nit picking) shortly after the Civil War, and hell, I’m a big fan of Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare.


Please check out my new Cult Film blog

Set in 1875, Exit Humanity is the story of Edward Young played by Mark Gibson.  After encountering the undead during the final days of the Civil War, he returns home to his wife and son.  He returns from hunting one day to find his son missing and his wife one of the undead.  He kills her and goes in search of his son.  During his search he comes across Confederate General Williams played by Moseley who is looking for a cure to the outbreak, and to rebuild Tennessee to its Confederate glory. Ultimately he is forced to choose between joining Williams or making his own way in a world overrun by the dead.

It got off to a rough start.  I’m not a big fan of narration, and the early parts of the film are heavily narrated by Brian Cox. Normally I’m a fan of a film being told by the actors through their acting, not voice over or exposition. The first fifteen minutes of the film there is virtually no dialogue except the narration.

 At this point I wanted to watch the film through the protagonist’s, played by Mark Gibson, acting. I wanted to discover the film through his facial expressions and body language, not a narration that seemed to never end.  Strange thing though, when the narration ended, I missed it.  The narration is used in spots throughout the film and it’s like an old friend come back to visit. 

After getting used to the narration, I thoroughly enjoyed this film.  Mark Gibson, as Edward Young carries the film excellently.  He tells you his story, with and without narration, by the pain in his eyes, his tears and body language.  The supporting cast never gets in his way.  Bill Mosley who is usually a hyper kinetic maelstrom is probably more subdued than I have ever seen him in a role.  That doesn’t make him any less menacing or horrifying. In fact it makes him much more real, much more believably evil.  Stephen McHattie, another horror legend, gives an insane but also subdued performance.  Honestly I barely recognized Dee Wallace even though I knew she was in the cast.  The supporting cast did their job perfectly, they supported, allowing Gibson to shine and carry the film.

Exit Humanity is in fact a quiet film, as far as zombie films go.  True there is gunfire, screams and gnashing of teeth, but for the most part it is a quiet film.  A film driven by the main character on his quest, first to find his son, then to find a reason to live in a world of the dead.

His quest for his son ends in the way such a real life quest would be bound to end.  No happy ending, no miracle, and the film makers play it out early, not dragging it out, but not pulling any punches or making it easy on the viewer.  After this quest the film could have easily devolved into a kill em all, find a cure generic zombie flick, but instead the story continues to develop.  It seems like it was written almost as a series of short episodes, instead of a movie, and even has animated chapter markers. Each chapter marks the protagonist’s downfall, and resurrection, as he exits humanity to find his own humanity.

Exit Humanity uses innovative filming, shifting from live action to animation for certain scenes, and even using time lapse for at least one scene.  The animation at first seemed a bit gimmicky; you just aren’t expecting it in a serious film.  The animation is used sparingly and mostly to illustrate (if you will) parts of the story outside the normal continuity.

The time lapse scene likewise hits you with no warning but it works perfectly.  It heightens the tension of the scene and allows the film to progress without an overly long scene of the character running through the woods.  It’s just an innovative way to portray an almost cliched scene.

The Canadian scenery is beautiful and breath taking.  You can forget you are watching a horror movie, and believe you are watching a modern western.  The score compliments the film work.  Usually I barely pay attention to the score unless it sucks up the movie but the music here swept me up.  I loved it

If I could change one thing about this Exit Humanity, I would give Moseley more screen time, and possibly flesh out his character a bit more.  I saw the potential for a great film villain.  He was a villain, who as evil as he was, had a cause, a cause that, while not inherently evil, had been warped by him and his beliefs.  The final confrontation between Moseley and Gibson was beautiful, quick and final.  I just wish we had more time with Moseley’s General Williams before the showdown.

Some people might find it too slow, and not enough zombie action, but personally I will take a slower less hectic film.  A film that moves at a natural pace not the rapid cut MTV style horror movie.  How many of those style horror movies are actually good?  I have also heard people complain about the lack of zombie hoards in Exit Humanity.  When I was watching it I wondered where all the undead were coming from.  This was the 1800s in the Tennessee wilds.  It’s not the big city of Dawn of the Dead or The Walking Dead. Besides I would rather see an intelligent film than just two hours of head shots, wouldn’t you?

If you haven’t guessed by now, I really loved this film.  It was touch and go for the first maybe 10-15 minutes, but it grew on me rapidly.  If you like zombie movies, but prefer your movies to have a little soul, I think you will like Exit Humanity.  So skip all the other low budget trash, and pick up Exit Humanity, this little Canadian film is worth the price of admission.

Giallo, Oh Dario Where Art Thou?

Adrien Brody in Giallo

Well that’s the question fans have been asking for years about Dario Argento, where is the director who gave us Suspiria, Bird with the Crystal Plumage, and Deep Red?  Maybe that’s a bit unfair but it seems for every semi decent project, there are a couple stinkers.  His Masters of Horror efforts were decent, some of the better of the series, but far from his heyday. When word got out he was working on a project called Giallo, fans got excited.  Dario was returning to the genre where he excelled, the Giallo.  Unfortunately Argento has pretty much disowned the film, unhappy with the cut forced upon him.  Not only that, but star Adrien Brody, successfully blocked it’s release due to issues with the producers.

Now however Giallo has finally been released. And the wait, well was kind of worth it.  It isn’t a horrible film, and Argento has done worse (Mother of Tears), but it is far from his best work. It also thematically falls far from his previous work.  Gone is any suspense about who the killer is, well almost all the suspense.  Going into the film I had no idea Adrien Brody was playing a double role, and within minutes I recognized the killer was Brody.  Until the killer is finally full on display I assumed Brody’s detective was moonlighting as the villainous “Giallo”.  I can only guess that was the Argento’s attempt at suspense.

Even the name of the film seems a misdirection of sorts.  Giallo, which means yellow in Italian, typically refers to a genre of films popular in Italy in which Argento was a master.  The term typically was reserved for horror/mystery films that were bloody and erotic.  The term giallo came as many of these were based on pulp novels with their yellow background and covers.  However the name of the movie Giallo, just as much refers to the killer, who is named “Giallo” due to his yellow tinted skin.  Jaundice just doesn’t have the same ring after all.
Unlike in his better films, there is little suspense, once you realize Brody isn’t the killer.  There also isn’t that much violence or sex.  Also none of the bright trippy colors and innovative camera work from his prime.  The story is maybe a bit clearer than in his classics, I have always found Dario’s narrative a bit confusing, but watching classic Argento is like riding a Space Mountain.  You’re there for the thrill of the ride, not the backstory.  I could actually keep up with this story and that made up for the lack of style.  Well just a little.  Dario Argento has himself disavowed the movie.  Normally I would think his cut would be better, but having seen the trailer for his Dracula, I’m afraid his cut would have been worse.  In all honesty I, like a lot of his fans, have lost faith in Argento.  At least lost faith in his ability to do what he has done best.

His best work lately, Jennifer and Pelts are far from his traditional fare.  Giallo, a return to his roots, is just kind of there.  It’s not unwatchable, and Adrien Brody plays a great detective.  However his villain, Giallo is nothing special.  The bad makeup can’t hide Brody’s features, and his mumbling is more annoying than chilling.  While it’s better than 90% of the crap released, it’s not the Master of Italian Giallo.   It’s better than Mother of Tears and appears to be light years better than Dracula, but it’s not quite as good as his Master of Horror episodes.

The film also stars Emanuelle Seigner, wife of accused pedophile Roman Polanski, and Elsa Pataky. Neither one is particulary interesting. Pataky spends most of the film screaming in the finest Giallo tradition.  Seigner just seems a bit lost, there's little to no chemistry between her and Brody and her character is very thinly written.  She like Pataky is more a plot device to move the film along, than an actual character.

Final verdict, it’s an ok watch.  Adrien Brody is fun to watch, at least in one of his roles.  It’s light on sex and nudity, and light on violence.  There are a couple of intense scenes but they are few and far between.  The ending was meant to be chilling, but just comes off as unfinished.  Don’t rush to buy unless you are a hardcore fan worshiping at Dario’s feet.  Everyone else should catch it on Netflix or cable.

Bloodlust Zombies-Alexis Texas gives head(shots)

Alexis Texas in Bloodlust Zombies

Bloodlust Zombies is another of those horror films that feature a porn star in the vein of Smash Cut and Evil Breed.  Bloodlust Zombies features porn star Alexis Texas as the zombie killing personal assistant Andrea.  Unlike Sasha Grey in Smash Cut and to some degree Jenna Jameson in Evil Breed, Alexis has not retired from porn.  Bloodlust Zombies thus seems to be more of a side project than a launching pad to a new career.

The story basically revolves around an outbreak at a biological weapons lab. An escaped cat that has been infected with a “rage” type virus infects the workers and the building goes on lockdown.  The trapped employees including porn star Alexis Texas must fight the zombies, and each other to survive and escape

Bloodlust Zombies has the lowest budget of the three, or at least that’s the way it looks.  However for a movie it is a very clean film.  No graininess, blur, shoddy sound or obvious fake props.  The people in charge of making this film look good did a good job.  Special effects are mostly of the practical variety.  CGI, if used was few and far between, so much that a day after watching it, I can’t recall any obvious computer effects.  The practical effects aren’t that awesome, but the effects crew seems to realize their limitations and we don’t have any attempts at those spectacular effects that either look good or like shit.  No rotting corpses, decapitations, but mostly just small wounds and blood covered victims and “zombies.”

There aren’t any Oscar worthy acting performances but most of the cast do a decent enough job  Of the cast of course Alexis Texas will receive the most attention.  She’s mostly in the film for eye candy, which she is effective as.  Her acting is kind of scatter shot.  At times she seems to really have some acting potential beyond the adult world, at others you really hope someone is directing her to overact.

Bare bottom Alexis Texas

Alexis Texas adds her assets to Bloodlust Zombies

That’s probably the biggest problem with Bloodlust Zombies, inconsistency.  It doesn’t seem to know if it wants to make fun of itself or be a serious film.  There are some great funny scenes, and then there are some absolutely horrible preachy scenes.  For the most part it seems to be not taking it self seriously, to know it’s just a cheap vehicle for Alexis Texas, a dollar rental if you will.  That’s usually a good thing, but honestly it’s getting a bit overplayed, especially when so many low budget film makers are managing to pull off a serious film of decent quality.

Sexy Alexis Texas of Bloodlust Zombies

 Fans are beginning to expect more, regardless of the budget.  Even tongue in cheek, we are expecting quality.  Compare this to Smash Cut, which purposely made a bad film as homage to H.G. Lewis.  There’s no homage here, just a cheap film with a few laughs and some nudity.

Alexis Texas Busts out in Bloodlust Zombies

So Bloodlust Zombies isn’t a movie to avoid, but it’s not a movie to rush out and grab either.  Zombie completest and fans of Alexis Texas might  find it a must have, but these are closer to the Resident Evil infected than Romero and you can see much more of Alexis on a Google search than in the film.  Still she has a couple of very nice topless scenes, and if you want to check her out without going to the bad side of the internet this is a good chance.  Everyone else put it in your Netflix queue for a slow night.

Sexy Santa Alexis Texas rewards those who read to the end

Two Headed Shark Attack aka Hungy, Hungy Hippos the Movie

Two Heads? Genius

So in a fit of cinematic boredom I found this little gem on Netflix. Now I use the word gem very lightly in the case of Two Headed Shark Attack. In fact it’s more of a nugget, like a nugget of corn in a well formed bowel movement. OK maybe that’s a bit harsh, but it sounded funny.  Certainly in the new subgenre of shark/mutated fish movies cranked out by the genius machine at the SeeFee channel it’s not the very worse.  It’s not the best either, and really considered the genre is pretty shallow that is saying a lot.

Honestly, there’s not a lot in Two Headed Shark Attack worth recommending in this film.  When the most skilled actor in the cast is most famous for being the real life brother of the fat kid from Stand By Me, well it says a lot.  The most star power is wielded by the still beautiful Carmen Electra.

 Carmen is still extremely hot, but she’s not the same Carmen she was five years ago.  Not only that but she appears to slowly be turning orange.  She’s still hot though and was cast against type as the doctor, a doctor who lies around in a bikini inexplicably writhing sensually when no one else is around.  Still I have never complained about a sexy bikini clad girl writhing for no reason, even if the bikini girl is the color of a tangerine, and she has a bit of a belly pooch.  Carmen’s dialogue and her delivery of it is nothing short of ridiculous.  I know she can act better, I have seen it.  Maybe the director told her to deliver her lines flat and emotionless.

Still I can’t hate on Carmen too much with Charlie O’Donnel’s acting in this film.  Charlie, whose brother stole John Stamos’s wife, was even more brain grinding to hear “act”.  Seriously, dude, your acting was better on Sliders.  Jerry’s penis acted better on Piranha 3-D.  Also if you have a compound fracture of your leg, which I assume you were supposed to have, you can’t walk on it, even if you wince and go “ahh” with each step.  I’ll blame that on the director, I blame you for taking the part.

While neither of these actors is in danger of winning a lifetime achievement award for acting anytime soon, both have, and can, do better.  I can only assume that a paycheck and the promise of a fun campy film drew them in.  So what else to hate Two Headed Shark Attack, yes there is more.

The shark itself was pretty laughable.  While in long shots the CGI held up ok, especially for a movie of this type.  Up close the model looked as fake as fake can be. I don’t know if it was Styrofoam, plastic, or fiberglass but it definitely wasn’t flesh. Why two heads in the first place? I can only assume total lack of ideas and the directive “find something new” from their SyFy overlords?

“Let’s make a shark movie.” 

“Boss said they already done too many shark movies.”

“Let’s give the shark two heads.”

“Brilliant!!”

Bruce he aint, 2 heads or not

 Did I mention the shark looked stupid up close? Well that’s nothing compared to the scenes of it feeding.  At one point the shark grabs a woman’s leg, bites it swings her around and lets her go.  Not only was the letting go stupid and not like a shark, there was no blood.  Eventually both heads grab her and rip her apart but by then I was already shaking my fist in righteous anger.  Now to the actual kill scenes, since when did sharks start chewing and munching?  Sharks tear, rip, and swallow like a rough date not chew like redneck on a corn cob.  Seriously watching the close-ups of the shark smacking its mouth it reminded me of the old game Hungry, Hungry Hippos.  All I could think of was “quick, throw a marble and swim for your life!”  Bruce would hang his head in shame if he ever watched this two headed “shark” in action.

The behavior of the cast was ludicrous at best.  Something kills a whale and attacks your ship.  Let’s go skinny dipping.  Shark attacks your perfectly good boat, jump in the water for safety.  Need a fuse, use a wet shirt “It’s the best we have” sorry jack ass, it’s still soaking wet and your ass deep in water. Late in the film as the island sinks the survivors stand waist deep in water, lamenting that there is nowhere to go for safety.  Meanwhile in the background, no more than 10 feet away is doh, the island.  Meanwhile the shark is apparently getting a mani/petti because he never comes near until they have their wet fuse bomb ready.

Put two girls together like these two in Two Headed Shark Attack and they will make out

 So why did I set through this?  Was it for the prospect of writing a shitty  review of Two Headed Shark Attack? Maybe a little bit, but there were a few high (relatively speaking) points.  There was the skinny dipping. Which I dunno, I thought skinny sipping required nudity. True the girls do get topless, which was nice, even though both girls were woefully underfed. Don’t get me wrong they were cute and all but not cute enough to drive me to IMDB to find out who they were. However for two girls to get topless while a goofily looking male just stands there in his swim trunks and grins is really hard to buy.  Of course, two topless girls, two headed shark.  Guess what’s about to happen? Yep.  This was probably the selling point of the whole film.There were lots more bad stuff I could mention about the film, but really, it’s not worth going into it.

  So on to the good things about the film.  All in all Two Headed Shark Attack had two things going for it, Brooke Hogan’s tits.  Say what you want about her face, I think she’s cute and not really that manly looking.  Plus her boobs, while not as big as her father’s tits are much nicer to look at and less hairy.  The saddest part of the movie was that she kept her top on the whole film.  I pretty much expected it but a guy can hope right? Honestly the film would have had three things going for it, if she had worn a sexier bottom.  Seriously cut offs and boy shorts? Why not a thong or at least a French cut bottom to give us a little extra eye candy Brooke?  A little cheek would have definitely improved this movie.

Brooke Hogan two reasons to watch 2 Headed Shark Attack

I do have to give Brooke Hogan props though, and not just for her boobs.  Her acting was probably the most believable in Two Headed Shark Attack.  Now before you start listing your Oscar night “thank you’s”, once again that ain’t saying much.  Being the best actor in a film like Two Headed Shark Attack is like being the sweetest smelling turd in Don Vito’s toilet.

Brooke Hogan epic boobs

 So final judgment time, should you bother seeing it.  If you find yourself bored shitless and you already have Netflix, or can catch it on cable then why not?  If you have been drinking or maybe had a little smoke it might even be half way enjoyable.  Don’t by any means pay for this or Quint will track you down and kill you.  Hell I wouldn’t even watch it on SyFy, because then you miss the nipples.  Not that the nipples are that big a selling point, but boobs is boobs as the Reverend Desmond Tutu liked to say.  Basically unless you are a fan of shark flicks, no matter how bad, swim far and fast away from Two Headed Shark Attack.

Underworld Awakening eyes wide open

OK so Underworld Awakening is the newest film in the Underworld series. Now if you are one of those people unfamiliar with the Underworld series, aka real horror fans, it is basically the story of a sexy vampire with an S and M fetish who falls in love with the lead singer of Creed.

Stapp or Speedman, you decide

This is the fourth film in the Underworld franchise and it reunites Selene, played by Kate Beckinsale and Michael, played by Scott Stapp, um Scott Speedman.  Both stars were absent from the third film.  Beckinsale apparently busy with other film projects.  Speedman touring with Kid Rock.  Their reunion is short however letting Beckinsale carry most of the film.  Not that I'm complaining.  Leather clad hottie Beckinsale vs weepie emo werewolf, yeah no complaints.




With truth in advertising firmly in mind there is an actual awakening in the film.  Of course for an awakening someone must be put to sleep, someone besides the audience that is.

Where Underworld Rise of the Lycans was set in the past the majority of Underworld Awakening is set in the future.  Twelve years from the start of the film which we assume is set in the near future.  The gist of the film is that the human population has suddenly become aware of the vampires and werewolves living among them. 


We never find out exactly how and can only assume it was from watching True Blood.  Michael and Selene's reunion is short loved as the humans attack.  Michael falls into the ocean and Selene goes after him, as a bomb explodes they embrace, with arms wide open.  OK that's the last Creed joke.  I promise.

Really hates Alterbridge

Twelve years later, Selene is revived from cryogenic sleep by someone whom she thinks is Michael.  She escapes from a lab and goes in search of Michael, only to find a very different world, where vampires and lycans are almost extinct and in hiding.  She also finds that she has given birth while in cryo sleep.  How embarrassing is that?  As she searches for Michael, while trying to protect her hybrid kid, who just happens to be coolest thing about Underworld Awakening, besides Beckinsale's booty that is. Stuff explodes, lycans transform, and vampires go "RARRR" in the camera with fangs bared.  Ya know, usual Underworld stuff.

Fans of the Underworld series won't be disappointed unless they came to see Michael.  It's basically more of the same formula.  Kate is still hot, lots of guns, werewolves etc, etc.  The series as a whole is getting a bit old but having Beckinsale back adds a bit of juice to it.  The open ended conclusion will keep the loyal fans itching for the next film.

My major complaint was the 3-D, which I felt forced to watch as every theater near me only had one non 3-D showing.  There was just no need. This is a 3-D movie when 3-D is the norm, not for now when it still costs extra for 3-D.  It did add to a few scenes, and made them look more real. Those scenes were where a character is just standing or walking and the 3-D adds depth to the scene.   However the 3-D dust clouds and gun barrels pointing into the screen are more annoying than anything else.

There was also too much CGI.  Now I know complaining about too much CGI in an Underworld film is like complaining there are too many dicks in a gang bang video, but still there was too much CGI.  Not just the transformation scenes, but all through the movie.  Especially the giant ass werewolf, honestly why not a normal sized werewolf, just with more strength and stamina.  I honestly felt like I was watching a Resident Evil movie every time the bigun was on screen.

Last complaint.  Kate Beckinsale.  Get your kit off or stop teasing.  Seriously.  You are becoming like that high school girl who always says she MIGHT go out with you, but is always washing her hair.  OK personally I never heard the "washing you hair" story, mine was "I might go out with you, call me when you aren't so creepy."  In Underworld Awakening we are treated to Kate in a cryo tank naked as naked can be, but do we see anything?  Even after the tank breaks, we get Kate lying on the floor in what can only be called "lessons in implied nudity 101."  All I could keep thinking was "If this was Milla we be seeing some boob," this isn't Milla though.  I know being nude on film can be a hard thing to do, and I believe in personal choice, all I'm saying is stop with the tease.  Tit or no tit, there is no implied.  Sorry Yoda.


With all that I can't say I didn't enjoy Underworld Awakening.  However I find it hard to say I enjoyed it.  It was just kind of meh.  The fights were fun, watching Kate walk around was fun, guns go pow pow.  This is the kind of film that should have went straight to DVD. Watching this on Netflix with a cold beer would have been funner than hell.  In the theater, I just kept thinking about what I could have used the ten bucks for.

Super hot Beckinsale

So should you rush out to see Underworld Awakening?
Depends on just how much of an Underworld and more importantly a Selene fan you are.  Personally I'd say wait till it's on DVD

Megan is Missing

Megan is Missing

I went into Megan is Missing with basically no prior information on the story. I did know that it dealt with child abduction in some way but little more.  I had heard from friends that it wasn't worth the time and from other friends it was a must see film.

Honestly, after watching it myself, I have to say it falls somewhere in between.  It isn't trash, but I don't know if I would call it a classic just yet.  It's powerful film, with a powerful message, unfortunately it also has some powerful flaws.  Those flaws unfortunately lend to the power of the film, but they still are flaws in my opinion.

Megan is Missing is a disturbing film, some have said the most disturbing film of all time.  I think a lot of the disturbing quality will come from how closely you identify with the characters.  Mothers with teen daughters will be very disturbed, all parents will be bothered.  In all honestly, mothers with weak hearts should maybe pass on Megan is Missing. Which is a problem with the film.  Many of the people who will be the most moved, won't be able to handle it.

Despite what the title might lead you to believe Megan is Missing deals with not just Megan's disappearance but also that of her best friend Amy.  Amy and Megan are teenage best friends and seemingly polar opposites.  Unlike most odd couple pairings in films, their friendship comes off as real and unforced. Megan is the cool popular teen, while Amy is a bit of a wall flower.  Through online chat rooms, Megan makes friends with an unknown boy, arranging a date and goes missing.  After Amy goes to the police with what she knows, she too goes missing.  Shortly after we find out what happened and descend into what could be the darkest 22 minutes ever filmed.  I will go into those 22 minutes so anyone wishing to avoid a full spoiler can do so.

For the most part Megan is Missing can be described as a  "found footage" film along the lines of The Blair Witch Project or Cloverfield.  The film quality is better than either of these and there are few if any instances of shaky cam filming though.  The majority of the film, at least up to the last 22 minutes, are composed of alleged web cam footage, mixed in with police tapes, news footage, and the girls video diaries.  The quality is excellent for this type of film, and my head is glad there was no bouncing footage to bring on a migraine.

As I started watching I had a problem with the girls acting and dialogue, but as I got into the film it sank in that this was what I should be seeing and hearing.  This wasn't a high dollar A list film.  This was supposed to be two teenage girls "acting" for the cam.  When chatting with friends the dialogue and acting was believe able.  When they were hamming it up for their video camera, it was more stiff and unbelievable.  The type of script two teens would come up with.

There are several of those moments in Megan is Missing.  Moments where at first you think "this is stupid" then realize, "No this could really happen."  One of those big moments was when we "meet" Josh. His dialogue screams PREDATOR, but the girls fall for it.  Crazy right?  Not if you have spent any time around young girls.  Teen girls are way too trusting.  The fact that this film is based on several accounts of real  abductions lends weight to it.  Don't believe me?  Just check out Facebook, see how many teen girls have their phone numbers listed.  Maybe not every teen girl would fall for Josh's lines, but many would.

The treatment of Amy by Megan's other friends also seems exaggerated at first.  She is totally rejected  by the other students and verbally abused, even blamed for Megan's disappearance,  but believe it couldn't happen?  Bullying is rampant in America.  Kids are bullied to the point of suicide. Amy's plight is unfortunately, way to real.

The characters of Megan and Amy were both fleshed out more than typical teen characters.  Megan is more than just the oversexed party girl she first appears.  She genuinely cares for Amy and puts her own social standing at risk for her.  The film makers give us a glimpse into why she acts the way she does, and once again, it's all too real.  It might be a bit of a cliche but it  works and adds another layer of depth to the character.

Most of the other characters in the film are one dimensional, almost silhouettes . This doesn't detract from the movie, but like a photographer blurring the background, keeps the focus squarely on Megan and Amy.  Josh in fact is never fully seen, and in fact we never know for sure if "Josh" is even the one responsible.  We ate strongly led to believe that he is the culprit but I could make a case that it isn't.  We never see his face, and until the last 22 minutes never see any part of him.  There is a blurry image on a security camera of a man who is assumed to be Josh, but we never know for sure.

Which brings us to probably the most disturbing, most controversial part of the film.  The final 22 minutes.  The onscreen caption declares it as the final 22 minutes of tape on Amy's video camera, uncut and unedited.  While watching this, I checked my clock several times, wishing it was almost over.

 I think the director decided to go for reality more than good film making at this point.  There was a point, in the last half of those 22 minutes, where it just seemed to keep going with no real purpose, except that it took that long to happen.  After the initial shock wears off  I just got tired of watching it, and I admit it was bothering me.    I also admit I sped the movie up, stopping occasionally to make sure I missed nothing.

 It was basically ten minutes or so of the same thing.  Boring one part of my mind, disturbing the other.  If I had not been told at the beginning of the film that the two girls had never been found, perhaps I could have held more interest, more tension, hoping for that eventual rescue.  That was how I watched Martyrs.  During the incessant torture there, I kept hoping Ana would escape somehow.  In Megan is Missing, I knew what was coming at the end.  I just didn't know how I would be taken there.  While for me this was a bit of a hindrance I can see most viewers sitting shocked through the whole ordeal.  I can also see a lot of people not able to take it and switching the film off.  Honestly if I was the director I wouldn't mind people switching off, it just proves how powerful it was. 
***************************************************
Now for spoilers****************************************The Last 22 minutes**********
*****************************************************************

The last 22 minutes document exactly what happened to Amy.  Kidnapped by the same person who had kidnapped Megan, Amy is locked away in what appears to be a basement.  She is forced to eat what appears to be dog food (without using your hands).  Some point later she is taken out of her cell and viciously raped.  I will say this is probably the most vicious rape I have ever seen ion film, and yes I have seen irreversible.  The director does this with no graphic gore or nudity.  Instead we see a closeup of Amy's face in camera as she is violently raped. You can tell what is happening but all you can focus on is Amy's face.  The baby rape in A Serbian Film looks like a cartoon compared to this.  This is real, or as real as I ever want to see on film.

As disturbing as this is it's the end that will probably haunt people the most.  I didn't time it, and it seemed to go on forever, but I'd estimate 10 minutes or so is pure torture (no better word)for the viewer.  Amy is forced into a barrel with Megan's corpse and it is sealed shut.  The camera is placed on the ground and we watch as Josh digs what is to become their grave.  All the while we hear Amy cry and beg for her life.  We know how it's going to end and after what seems an eternity it does.

The movie has been condemned for it's disturbing content among other things. I have heard complaints that it glorifies teen sex, that it unreasonably scares parents, and presents and unrealistic portrait of teen life.  The film is disturbing, I wont argue that point, but unlike many shocking films it is practically gore free.

The gore is so scarce that the few, well timed moments of visceral horror really take you by surprise.  When we see Megan's corpse it was like a slap in the face.  It only on screen for a fraction of a second, but that was enough, in fact it was brilliant.  Not long enough to look for the effects, but long enough to sear in your brain.  Then the horror of knowing Amy was locked into the barrel with the decomposing body of her best friend, was almost unbearable.

As to it's effects on parents, I might also reluctantly agree, to a point anyway.  I do think that parents should be more aware of their kids Internet activity.  There really are "Josh's" out there, as well as a multitude of other predators, some worse than others.  However we can't go to the point of locking our children  away in towers, and I see many children facing stricter curfews after their parents watch Megan is Missing.  Hopefully parents will also take note of what ultimately drove Megan down the path she took.  While a dysfunctional family doesn't guarantee a bad end, it definitely weighs the odds toward it.

Anyone who thinks the portrayal of teens is off, honestly doesn't know teens.  In fact I think they made a direct hit.  One thing that caught my eye was the way Amy was handled.  As the ugly duckling in the friendship she barely exists to those around her.  It's as if the film makers are confirming that  in the teenagers world, she isn't as important as Megan.  Even after her disappearance, all the focus is on Megan.   Megan's name is in the title and on the lips of everyone discussing the film, yet it is Amy who's torture we are forced to endure.

Megan is the name on everyone's lips when discussing the film, and I'm sure a lot of people will associate the torture with Megan.  In our heads Megan is who is getting tortured.  It's like the director is forcing us to face the fact that girls like Amy aren't as important to us.  As much as we rail and storm at the evil bullies who abuse those who are different, we are all guilty of being drawn to the beautiful people.

Or maybe I"m way off base.

So my opinion?  While technically it might not be a great film, it packs a wallop.  It paints an all too real, all too scary picture, and accomplishes what the director intended.  It scares the shit out of parents.  While I will say this definitely qualifies as a horror film. a lot of horror films might find it slow and boring.  I found the burial scene both disturbing, and well not boring but tedious.  I admit I fast forwarded though it.  The film is basically gore free which will make it more accessible to a wide audience but will turn off some hardcore gore fans, as well as  fans of Saw and Hostel.  That part is a shame because this movie will actually scare them.  In many ways Megan is Missing has brought fear back into a largely neutered genre.

Do yourself a favor (if you can call it that) and check out Megan is Missing.  Just be prepared to be disturbed.